Dear Dad: Letters From Same Gender Loving Sons (Documentary)

In the documentary, eight Black gay men from Atlanta first discuss their lives and their relationships with their fathers. Only later do they sit down to write letters to them and read those letters aloud. That two-part structure moves from personal history to direct address, giving each man space to explain what he has carried before putting it into words for his father.

Chase Simmons made the film after seeing a former friend endure profound emotional pain in response to his family’s reaction to learning he was gay. Simmons has also described growing up without media that reflected who he was. He wanted Black gay men to have visible faces and stories they could recognize and connect with.

The interviews cover how the men came to terms with their identities, how they shared them with their communities, whether they had a formal coming-out conversation with their fathers, and whether father and son ever discussed safe sex. Their letters then bring those experiences into focus: the documentary is concerned with how a father’s bond with his son can shape the man he becomes, and with holding on to hope while confronting pain.

That bond can be especially difficult to maintain for Black gay men. Same-gender-loving people face varied challenges, and Black same-gender-loving men encounter distinct social and systemic pressures. A father can be a central figure in a young man’s upbringing, particularly for young men of color; when sexuality strains that relationship, some are left feeling unloved, alone, or literally fatherless as they enter adulthood. Other fathers fully support and embrace their sons. The film makes room for both experiences.

Its intended audience includes the hundreds of thousands of young gay men afraid to discuss their sexuality with their fathers and families, those who sit silently at the dinner table, and those who have chosen to take their own lives rather than live authentically. Simmons also hopes that an honest portrayal of gay Black men will reach the wider Black community. Speaking openly and sharing a story, the film suggests, can help people begin to heal; viewers may be moved to write down their own feelings, work through their experiences, and choose healing for themselves.

I found the concept genuinely compelling, and some of the men’s stories hit close to home. Others did not land as strongly for me. Coming out to a father can be difficult for gay men broadly, and the conversation can shape what follows; for a Black gay man, building a real relationship with his father may be harder still. Once sexuality is acknowledged, distance can set in and grow if neither person works to maintain the relationship. This is a specific, localized documentary: it may resonate deeply with some viewers and miss others. (4/10)