Grandma with Alzheimer’s disease advises gay grandson to leave home

“Son, when you look for a job in the future, don’t listen to your parents. Go find a job in a bigger place.” After Mingyuan went to college, his grandmother would always say this every time he came home during vacation. Mingyuan knew what she meant.

In the second semester of his sophomore year, Mingyuan bravely came out to his family. His mother, an elementary school teacher, and his father, a government official, were so distracted by the TV reruns of “Empresses in the Palace” that one dropped the cherries he was eating, the other dropped his phone, and said in unison, “You’ve only been living on campus for half a year, and you’ve already become a bad person?”

The ensuing “storm” caught Mingyuan off guard, so much so that he struggled to connect the screaming, crying middle-aged man and woman with his parents, who had once cared so much for him. “Son, come to my room.” The grandmother, with her clumsy legs, opened the door to the second bedroom, and Mingyuan hurried inside.

glacier

This was a four-bedroom, two-living-room house. If it were in the provincial capital where Mingyuan was attending university, it would be worth quite a bit, but in the third-tier city where Mingyuan’s parents lived, the price of a house was only four or five hundred thousand. Mingyuan retreated into his grandmother’s room, feeling relieved at first, but then a sense of embarrassment washed over him. How could a grandmother in her seventies possibly understand him? But she must have seen clearly what his parents had just done!

Mingyuan was still trying to figure it out when his grandmother spoke, “My son, I have just one thing to say to you: you have to be happy and live a good life.” After that, his grandmother moved back to the tatami. She was too old to sleep on a soft bed. When the house was renovated, his parents asked his grandmother to live in the south bedroom, but she refused, saying that she liked to sleep on the hard tatami. Mingyuan understood his grandmother’s stubbornness, and he subconsciously felt that his grandmother should have known that he liked boys a long time ago. But when did his grandmother know?

Mingyuan was raised by his grandmother. She never went to school, and like many older women, her way of raising boys was to buy them the cheapest toys possible. Perhaps then, she noticed something different about Mingyuan: he didn’t like wooden guns or slingshots. His favorite was a piàji (a type of card game). While other boys fanned piàji, Mingyuan cut out each piàji piece and pointed at the characters on it, calling out their names.

As a child living in a small county town, Mingyuan’s comic books and toys were years behind his peers. However, he particularly enjoyed comic books featuring men. Others assumed Mingyuan harbored heroic dreams, but he wouldn’t admit to liking the Journey to the West comic book about the Kingdom of Women. His favorite were the 108 heroes from the Water Margin. He picked out the 108 pictures of the female heroes and tossed them aside, then took the rest and made fighting noises. Wu Song was Mingyuan’s favorite, and the picture with him quickly curled up. When his grandmother asked Mingyuan why he liked Wu Song the most, he replied, “He’s handsome!” The adults assumed it was just childish talk.

“Grandma, did you discover something very early?” Mingyuan finally asked. Grandma asked Mingyuan if he still remembered when he was a child, he read a comic book called “Saint Seiya” and was beaten by his mother.

How could Mingyuan forget? Back then, Japanese manga were all the rage in class. Besides “Saint Seiya,” there was also “Slam Dunk.” Mingyuan’s favorite character was Hyoga from Saint Seiya, especially the one with the Saint Armor. Mingyuan couldn’t let it go. He loved it so much that he even tore out a page featuring Hyoga. He’d rented the book from a rental book stall, and the owner saw it and demanded compensation. Mingyuan’s monthly allowance was five yuan, and the book cost six. Mingyuan had no choice but to ask his mother for the money.

Later, it was Grandma who pasted the torn-off page of the glacier back on, but she also had to pay the bookstall owner some money. She had saved up some money from her handkerchief, just a few dimes. How could Mingyuan forget it? Later, Grandma even accompanied Mingyuan in drawing a simple sketch of the glacier.

Without waiting for grandma to answer, his mother rushed in, dragged Mingyuan to the living room, and said that Mingyuan had to talk to her properly, asking why he had developed this problem after only six months of college. Grandma intervened, “Don’t be so harsh, I’ll talk to the child properly. Don’t worry about this matter anymore.”

“Mom, don’t make things worse! You’re so old, and you don’t understand anything!” The mother was helpless and angry when she saw grandma interfering. “Why don’t I understand?” Grandma refused to give in. “Child, come back to see me during the winter vacation. From today on, you have to sleep with me.”

From that day on, whenever Mingyuan was at home, his grandmother would be by his side. Whenever Mingyuan’s mother wanted to criticize him, his grandmother would intervene and say, “He just likes to play. He’ll be fine in two years. Don’t worry so much. Young men used to be like that, too.” That winter vacation could have been bleak because of Mingyuan’s coming out, but it was made less stressful by his grandmother’s protection.

Uncle

Mingyuan was delighted when winter vacation ended, as he could see his boyfriend back at school. Even though his parents initially resisted and then gradually became resigned to their differences, Mingyuan didn’t feel particularly guilty. During those two days, Mingyuan even picked out local specialties for his boyfriend to bring back to school.

Mingyuan froze in his tracks when he saw a post on his boyfriend’s WeChat Moments. The post only lasted less than a minute before being deleted. But Mingyuan clearly saw his boyfriend holding hands with another person, with a ring glittering on his finger. Mingyuan couldn’t tell if the person was a boy or a girl, but he guessed something must be going on with his boyfriend. Especially since the post only lasted less than a minute before being deleted. Mingyuan glanced at his phone several times in frustration, then lay down on the tatami, his back to his grandmother, who was arranging playing cards, and tears flowed uncontrollably.

“Are you in no hurry to go back to school?” Grandma didn’t look at Mingyuan, but continued to play cards with her head down. Mingyuan was crying, and only hummed twice in a muffled voice.

Mingyuan’s school, taking into account epidemic control requirements, requires undergraduates to take online classes from home. Now, with online classes, he’s stuck at home with his parents and grandmother. These days of rarely seeing each other make Mingyuan regret coming out to his parents.

During the lockdown, apart from the difficulty in getting food, the family was relatively peaceful. His parents couldn’t accept it, but they couldn’t force him to leave the house. Mingyuan tried to hide in his grandmother’s room to avoid giving his parents a chance to scold him.

Less than two months later, Grandma tested positive. The small county town where Mingyuan lived also set up an isolation zone, but it was full. Strangely, Grandma didn’t have a fever at all. If it weren’t for regular nucleic acid testing, no one might have noticed she was infected. Medical staff said it might be Grandma’s age that prevented her from showing obvious fever symptoms.

Community staff informed Mingyuan that his family would be quarantined at home. His parents wanted him to stay in the living room, while his grandmother stayed alone in the north bedroom. However, Mingyuan refused. On the one hand, in the living room, his parents could come over anytime, and he didn’t want to be face to face with them all the time. On the other hand, Mingyuan felt that he could take care of his grandmother and chat with her whenever he had time.

The old lady had learned about the “power” of the new coronavirus through TV programs and seemed to be under a lot of mental stress. To relieve the stress, Mingyuan made small talk with his grandmother about his school life and living on campus. When his grandmother felt better, she suddenly asked Mingyuan how he knew those people like him.

Mingyuan never imagined that an old lady in her seventies would be so interested in the fact that two men were in love, and even his parents had never asked him about this. Mingyuan was speechless.

“Tell me, son, have you ever met a bad person?” Mingyuan breathed a sigh of relief when his grandmother said this. He first mentioned gay bars and then gay bathhouses. Grandma listened quietly without asking a single question.

As they listened, Grandma slowly explained that in the 1950s, men would meet behind shops or in alleyways. But back then, no one explained it, believing it was something only wealthy men would do. Mingyuan was puzzled as to why Grandma knew so much.

Once, Mingyuan entered the north bedroom and forgot to wear a mask, which frightened his grandmother. She grabbed a nearby book and threw it at Mingyuan, telling him to put on a mask before coming in. Mingyuan was startled. Normally, he and his parents didn’t wear masks at home. Mingyuan hadn’t expected his grandmother, even though she was sick, to have such strength.

Although grandma didn’t have any symptoms, it took another two months for the test paper to turn from positive to negative. During those two months, Mingyuan chatted with grandma the most. Mingyuan mentioned gay bathhouses in their conversation with grandma, “I haven’t been there, but I’ve heard of it.” Grandma was shocked after hearing this and told Mingyuan not to go there for fear of getting sick. Grandma seemed to be in a good mood that day. She told Mingyuan that she seldom went out when she was a child, but she had an older brother, Mingyuan’s great uncle. The great uncle was a tall and handsome man with a very romantic personality. Grandma heard all the stories about men from this brother. Mingyuan asked tentatively, is this great uncle the same as himself?

But grandma remained silent.

“I knew you couldn’t get married.”

Perhaps because of his great uncle’s story, Mingyuan and his grandmother became closer. He believed that it was no accident that his grandmother called him into the house on the day he came out. Although his grandmother never said that she could accept Mingyuan’s homosexuality, she never prohibited it either.

Homosexuality was taboo at home, but it was something Mingyuan could discuss with his grandmother. Every time he went home for the holidays, his grandmother would half-jokingly ask if Mingyuan had a partner. Every time his mother heard the topic, her face darkened.

A little over a year later, Mingyuan faced the choice of taking the postgraduate entrance exam or finding a job. If he did, he would have to start preparing even though he was already a junior in college. At the time, Mingyuan had a new boyfriend, and they planned to study for a master’s degree together, which would be much easier than trying to find the same job with two people in different majors.

That summer, Mingyuan told his grandmother the news. Without hesitation, she told him to choose a university farther away for graduate studies. “Don’t come back,” she emphasized. Mingyuan jokingly asked, “Don’t you miss me?” His grandmother replied seriously, “Who can stay with whom forever? In the end, you still have to rely on yourself.” But Mingyuan didn’t want to stray too far from home. They both graduated from the same province, and he preferred to pursue graduate studies in East or North China.

Before Mingyuan had the chance to tell his grandmother about the postgraduate entrance exam, he received a call from his mother. Ever since Mingyuan came out, his parents rarely called him unless there was something urgent at home. The moment he saw the phone, Mingyuan’s heart skipped a beat. Could something have happened to his grandmother? When he picked up the phone, he heard his mother telling him that his grandmother had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, and it was still mild. The reason why she was discovered was because she had gone missing a while ago. “She always liked to take a walk in the community. I don’t know how she ended up outside the community that day, and she became confused and couldn’t be found.”

“Come back and see your grandma when you have time! The doctor said you won’t be able to recognize people soon. And don’t hang out with your bad friends all day.” The mother sounded anxious.

During the Mid-Autumn Festival holiday, Mingyuan returned home alone. Upon meeting his grandmother, Mingyuan felt that her condition wasn’t as serious as his mother had said on the phone. She looked thin and in good spirits. However, after a few words, Mingyuan could tell something wasn’t right with his grandmother. She started calling him “brother” and asked him why he’d returned so early. Mingyuan’s nickname wasn’t “brother,” so it was clear that she mistook him for someone else.

Before going to bed at night, grandma still asked Mingyuan to sleep with her in the tatami room. Grandma suddenly asked Mingyuan, “Brother, did they bully you today?” Mingyuan suddenly felt a little creepy.

Later, Mingyuan learned that some Alzheimer’s patients experience a recurrence of childhood memories, consciously connecting their current experiences with their childhood. Clearly, Grandma must have mistaken Mingyuan for his great-uncle. In the days that followed, Grandma began to refer to Mingyuan as her brother more and more frequently. Mingyuan wasn’t as frightened as he had been the first time.

One night, when grandma mistook Mingyuan for someone else, Mingyuan casually asked, “When was the last time we met?” Grandma thought about it seriously and said, “You were beaten by your father a few days ago. Does it still hurt?”

Mingyuan was a little surprised, “Why did Dad beat me?” “You are still pretending to be stupid, it’s all because of your little thing!” Grandma was a little angry. Mingyuan tried to test, “Am I always beaten?” Grandma nodded, “I told you not to go to those alleys, you will be beaten when you come back.” After a while, grandma said again, “You really can’t get married?”

Hearing grandma ask this, Mingyuan was stunned. He didn’t know whether it was for himself or for his great uncle. Mingyuan didn’t know how to answer. Grandma sighed, “I knew you couldn’t get married.”

Further south

During the summer vacation, Mingyuan and her boyfriend had originally planned to attend a postgraduate entrance exam tutoring class together, but due to her grandmother’s health condition, she decided to go home. Mingyuan told her boyfriend about her grandmother’s condition, and her boyfriend was very confused. “You can’t do anything, why do you go back so long?”

Mingyuan never told his boyfriend about coming out, nor did he mention that his grandmother was the only one in the family who supported him, nor did he mention the matter of his great uncle. After Mingyuan insisted on going home, his boyfriend argued with him several times over the phone, “We agreed to work hard together to get into postgraduate studies. Are you giving up now?”

Mingyuan didn’t want to tell her boyfriend about family matters in detail. Grandma told Mingyuan about one winter when his great uncle would often come home very late. He wouldn’t return until the lights were on at home, and Grandma, still a little girl, was worried, so she played by a large stone pillar not far from the doorway while waiting. Mingyuan speculated that the “lighting” her grandmother was referring to was probably around 7 or 8 in the evening today. Grandma, who was standing by the stone pillar, saw her great uncle returning with a man. The man walked her to a fork in the road, and when they parted, he seemed reluctant to leave. Grandma watched quietly. She could tell the man with her great uncle was poor because his clothes were very tattered.

This happened so often that it angered my grandmother’s father. My grandmother said that their family was well off at the time and could still go out to a small restaurant every ten days or half a month, but such a family could not accept their son having such an affair with a poor man.

Grandma remembers that my father beat my great uncle so badly that he kept screaming. The beating left a slight limp on his left leg. But even though my great uncle made such a sacrifice, my grandmother only knew that the man left my great uncle, but she didn’t know why.

This incident was a huge blow to my great uncle. He became depressed and thinner. That winter, my great uncle, now a cripple, jumped into the river. My grandmother’s father actually said, “That’s good. We don’t have to go out and embarrass ourselves.”

Mingyuan shuddered. He seemed to understand why his grandmother asked him why he came back. Perhaps in her mind, her uncle would never come back once he left.

Mingyuan felt very sad whenever he thought about this incident. When he and his boyfriend argued again about the postgraduate entrance exam, Mingyuan finally told him about it. His boyfriend was silent for a moment and said that he had not yet come out, but he really wanted to visit his grandmother.

Mingyuan and her boyfriend hadn’t seen each other for a long time. After much deliberation, they decided to take a risk. Her boyfriend took the high-speed train to visit Mingyuan, and Mingyuan wheeled his grandmother downstairs to the garden. Not only did they meet, but they also sat together affectionately, chatting with her. She studied her boyfriend closely. But given the pandemic, their meeting lasted only a brief half-hour before Mingyuan took his grandmother home.

Before long, the boyfriend met a friend from another circle at the training class, and they soon got together. The boyfriend therefore broke up with Mingyuan. Mingyuan burst into tears when he found out. If he hadn’t gone home to accompany his grandmother, Mingyuan could have gone to the postgraduate entrance examination tutoring class with his boyfriend, and maybe they wouldn’t have broken up. But he couldn’t find the words to blame his grandmother. Suddenly, as if she came to her senses, she touched Mingyuan’s head and said something that he would never forget, “You should have left, left this home, and left those who bullied you.”

Mingyuan refused to lose to his ex-boyfriend, so he studied harder and harder, even sleeping less than four hours a day. Considering his parents and his ex-boyfriend, Mingyuan’s goal at the time was to go to a university in Beijing, which was less than four hours away from his home by high-speed rail. But he was always anxious. Mingyuan knew that his parents did not understand him, so he could only talk to his grandmother, but his grandmother was already confused. After talking to her several times, one night, her grandmother said again, “Why don’t you run away, run away far away, and come back in a few years. By then, everything will be different.”

Mingyuan went to study for a master’s degree

Mingyuan was stunned. He finally made up his mind and chose the south, which was farther away from home. Soon, he went to Wuhan to study for a master’s degree as he wished.